Name Image License rewards sizzle - say, being related to a famous jock - over substance

Here’s some free financial advice to prospective NCAA athletes. If you want to get rich quick in the NIL game, don’t worry about your athletic performance.

Concentrate instead of being related to a famous jock or being an attractive blonde.

The top five Name Image License valuations currently belong to Bronny James, Arch Manning, Olivia Dunne, Mikey Williams and Klondike Kardashian.

With all due respect to their Instagram footprints, none have done squat when it comes to college sports.

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James is a high-school basketball star and son of LeBron. Manning is a freshman QB at Texas and the latest in the Manning Royal QB Line. Dunne is the LSU gymnast who specializes in making goo-goo eyes at the camera while wearing a bikini.

Williams is a Memphis basketball recruit who must be related to Serena Williams Or maybe Prince William.

I made up Klondike, just to stress how the NIL has become a Kardashian-like production. Success depends largely on marketing, appearance and the public’s gullibility.

That’s fine in a way. I’m all for Bronny being valued at $7.2 million (by On3 rankings, which are too complicated to even begin to explain) and making all the money the market says he’s worth.

But wouldn’t it be nice if NIL pay was based a little more on what you’ve done, as opposed to how big your social media portfolio is?

Dunne reportedly gets between $31,900 and $43,200 for each preening post to her 3.7 million Instagram followers, at least 12 of whom know the difference between a beam and a banana. The rest just know Dunne is H-O-T.

She’s competed in three vault events all season, with a high score of 9.825. Florida’s Trinity Thomas competes in just about every event every week and would be embarrassed to get a 9.825 in any of them. Her NIL valuation is $108,000, which is $3.3 million less than Dunne’s.

Again, good for Dunne and the other NIL titans. But when it comes to actual sports accomplishments, these emperors have no clothes. And that’s just how Dunne’s fans want it. ...

Stud of the Week: Florida’s Jasmine Moore, who set collegiate records in winning the long jump and triple jump at the NCAA Indoor Championships. That’s the kind of athlete who should be getting $43,000 per video.

Dud of the Week: Arkansas basketball video coordinator Riley Hall, who grabbed the phone of a Kentucky student journalist and threw it down after the Hogs lost to Texas A&M in the SEC tournament.

Dud II: The half-hearted apology issued by Arkansas AD Hunter Yurachek, who said Hall’s actions were “inadvertent” and there was no “malicious intent.” Tell that to the cell phone.

If Arch Manning starts dating a Kardashian, his NIL value will skyrocket to $13.8 million a year. …

How to practice standing for the national anthem

RIP Bud Grant. The legendary Vikings coach died at age 95 on Saturday. To help instill discipline, Grant had players practice standing at attention during the national anthem.

“I didn’t like the way we stood and scratched and moved and chewed gum and spit and had our helmets on the ground,” he said.

If Grant had come along 40 years later and tried that, the NFL players union would have filed a grievance against him. …

Hot Blonde Update: Dunne last week endorsed an artificial intelligence-powered app that cranks out term papers and essays. That prompted LSU to warn students that using AI bots could violate the school’s code of conduct.

This is all so 2023. A student/athlete/pinup girl getting paid to basically endorse plagiarism on campus. And her school is either unable or unwilling to do much about it.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry or download Dunne’s AI app to write the rest of this column. …

Speaking of overpaid, how about Team USA losing to Mexico in the World Baseball Classic? The combined annual salaries of Mexico’s starting lineup was approximately $28.1 million. The combined salaries of Team USA’s starters was $176.8 million. …

Oscars Update: Arkansas AD Hunter Yurachek said Will Smith had “no malicious intent when he inadvertently slapped” Chris Rock at last year’s awards show. …

The No. 17 NIL endorser is LeBron Son No. 2, Bryce James. The 15-year-old shooting guard’s valuation is $1.2 million. LeBron’s 12-year-old cat, Westbrook, is ranked No. 48. …

When did Mexico get a baseball team? ...

PGA Tour's Tom Hoge sits in coach with the rest of us

Regular Guy of the Week: Tom Hoge tied for third at The Players Championship, won $1.475 million and flew home in seat 21C of the coach section. He reportedly did splurge on a $4 bag of airplane Cheeto’s. …

Grant Redux: Coach John McKay made the first Bucs team practice the national anthem because few of the players could stand and chew gum at the same time. …

Code of Conduct Update: LSU administrators have ruled that any student who can run a 4.4 40 and bench press 450 pounds can use AI programs as much as they want. …

The NFL reinstated Jaguars receiver Calvin Ridley last week after a year-long suspension for violating the league’s gambling policies. In order to protect the integrity of the game, the NFL said Ridley can only place bets with DraftKings, FanDuel or one of its five other sportsbook partners. …

This Just In: In an attempt to corner the NIL, Olivia Dunne has announced plans to be adopted by Caitlyn Jenner. …

That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. If you have a complaint, please contact the AI bot that wrote it.

David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley