Whitley's Believe It or Not: LSU fans should be embarrassed for joining postgame stampede

Some things are worthy of extravagant celebrations. Like 100th birthdays, hitting the lottery or finding gas that cost less than $3.29 a gallon.

Some things are not, like winning a hot dog eating contest at a vegan convention or beating a 7-0 football team.

That’s what LSU fans did after the Tigers beat Ole Miss Saturday. They stormed the field as if it were 476 A.D. and they’d just overthrown the Roman Empire.

Really?

Tennessee fans rushing the field and tearing down the goal posts after beating Alabama was dangerous. Dangerous, but understandable.

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Rushing the field after beating any Ole Miss team should get a school an automatic five years of probation and orders to attend self-dignity training. Those classes would be crowded these days.

Field rushing used to be reserved for epic wins. Now they’re becoming a cheesy fad. There were 10 field rushes in 2018 and 14 in 2019, according to FiveThirtyEight.

The 2020 season didn’t count due to Covid restrictions, but the number was about 30 last year. That included UMass fans rushing the field after beating UConn, which was 0-6 at the time.

There’s no running tally this year, but the final number will be far more than warranted. There are a few fundamental rules for rushing after a victory.

• It should be over a top-3 team you haven’t beaten in at least 10 years.
• Wins over ACC or Pac 12 teams don’t qualify.
• Neither do wins over any team coached by Jimbo Fisher.

As to why this rushing plague has descended upon our land, psychologists cite two probable causes. Social media, and the quest to post a video or photo amid the mayhem. And the pandemic, which bottled up passions that need releasing.

All I know is Pfizer or Moderna need to quickly come up with a vaccine that addresses embarrassment. Because right now, a lot of LSU fans should be dying of it.

Stud of the Week: Kendell Cummings, a wrestler at Northwest College in Wyoming who jumped on a grizzly bear that attacked a teammate while they were visiting Yellowstone National Park. Cummings was mauled pretty badly, but he saved his teammate’s life.

Man United star Ronaldo is no Ted Lasso

Dud of the Week: Ronaldo. Manchester United soccer star/diva refused to enter a game and left Old Trafford stadium before the final whistle. If Ronaldo were attacked by a bear, teammates might pour honey on him.

Dud II: Liz Truss. I don’t follow British politics much, but I think she spent less time as prime minister than Billy Donovan did as Orlando Magic coach.

After a big win last year, members of Wisconsin’s women’s volleyball team apparently had a flashing party in the locker room. The photos and video have gotten out, of course, and school administrators are mad. Not at the players, but at whoever leaked the evidence.

“Our top priority is to support our student-athletes and we are providing them with the appropriate services and resources,” the school’s statement said.

I’m just spit-balling here, but one service they might consider is advising players to not expose themselves in front of cameras. ...

This Just In: In hopes of getting its confidence back, the Bucs offense has scheduled a scrimmage against the Gators defense. …

Wagner College beat Long Island University 37-26 last Friday to snap a 26-game losing streak. Wagner officials quickly sent out social media pleas asking fans not to tear down the goal posts. LSU officials quickly scheduled Long Island U. to be next year’s Homecoming opponent. ...

Expect the former British prime minister to show up in Tuscaloosa

Did Liz Truss get a buyout, and when will she join Nick Saban’s staff as an analyst? ....

Weber State’s long snapper, Grant Sands, hiked the ball over the punter’s head four times against Montana State. Each miscue resulted in a safety in the 43-38 defeat. Sands announced afterward he’s quitting football and returning to his old job as Russell Westbrook’s shooting coach. ...

Breaking news: LSU’s booster president just tore down a McDonald’s self-serve kiosk after successfully ordering a Big Mac and order of fries. ...

Miss USA organizers have been suspended after allegations the pageant was rigged so that Miss Texas would win. Suspicions arose after Miss Texas was asked her views on euthanasia, and she said she’s always loved Asian children. That answer got her a perfect score from the Russian judge. ...

This Just In II: In hopes of getting its confidence back, the Gators defense has scheduled a scrimmage against the Bucs offense. ...

Miss California really was asked about euthanasia during the 2021 Miss America competition. She said she wasn’t too familiar with the term, but “I do know it’s a vaccine.”

It was the dumbest answer since a gender-confused Bill Belichick entered the Miss New England Pageant and answered, “We’re on to Cincinnati” to every question. ...

Correction: With a salary of $1.08 million per week, Ronaldo actually had servants carry him out of Old Trafford before the game ended. ...

That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. Till next time, if you win a $5 lottery ticket or a Big Ten volleyball game, please refrain from tearing down goal posts or exposing yourself.

David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley