College football predictions: Florida Gators won't sniff out a win at Tennessee
College football provided some riveting on-field moments last week, but let’s be honest. Nothing was as intriguing as the fan who tried to bite off another fan’s nose.
Not surprisingly, it happened in the SEC.
Even better, it was at Arkansas. Home of the Razorbacks, where humans voluntarily wear plastic snouts to show their affinity for the local team.
“Wooo Pig Sooie!”
And the pièce de résistance — the perpetrator is a bigwig at Beyond Meat, a plant-based meat substitute company.
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ICYMI: Beyond Meat COO charged with biting man's nose after Arkansas game
You can’t make this stuff up, though Doug Ramsey no doubt wishes someone had. He’s the COO of Beyond Meat, though he was suspended Tuesday after the 12 millionth joke about how Ramsey was so hungry for some meat he tried to eat another man’s nose.
To be fair, there’s no indication Ramsey actually intended to eat the nose. According to the police report, Ramsey only bit the other dude’s schnozz, “ripping the tip of the nose.”
It happened in a parking lot after the game against Missouri State. Two cars collided. Tempers erupted. Fists flew. The next thing anyone knew, Ramsey was trying to make the other guy look like Michael Jackson.
Ramsey was charged with third-degree battery and terroristic threatening, for allegedly threatening to kill the other guy. Sheesh, it’s a good thing the Razorbacks won or Ramsey might have really been in a bad mood.
Hopefully, this will be a lesson to high-strung fans. It’s OK to boo or cry or file for divorce if your spouse roots too hard for the other team. But if you feel compelled to chomp another person’s nose, please take about 50 deep breaths.
Either that or go have yourself a nice, juicy burger.
Speaking of juicy, I was 8-2 and improved my season record to 21-9. I don’t want to brag, but that’s nothing to snort at.
College football predictions
Florida at Tennessee: The Gators' last TD pass occurred on Nov. 27, 2021. Tennessee’s thrown about 50 in the past three weeks. The Gators will play better than they did against USF, but the Vols’ firepower will wear them down. Tennessee 36-20.
Arkansas vs. Texas A&M: The Hogs are 3-0 and feeling no undue pressure. The Aggies have to win or Year 5 of Project Jimbo will be deemed a bust before October even arrives. Pig Sooooooie! Arkansas 23-17.
Missouri at Auburn: This game stinks. I’m reluctant to pick either Tigers, but there’s no choice. Upset Special: Missouri 18-13.
Clemson at Wake Forest: Any team that looks down its nose at the Demon Deacons is liable to get it bitten off. With 13 straight wins in the series, the Tigers will be tempted. It’ll be close, but …. Clemson 27-23.
Nose Trivia: Humans don’t smell with their noses. About 10 million olfactory nerves in your nose capture smells and send that info to your brain, where the smell is identified. So if it irritates when somebody says the Gators stink, punch that person in the head, not the nose.
Duke at Kansas: It’s always a big game when Bill Self’s Jayhawks go against… wait. I’m being told this unbeaten showdown is in football? The last time these teams were both 3-0, James Naismith was coaching at Kansas. The Blue Devils look more like a tournament team. Duke 30-24.
Bonus UF prediction: Anthony Richardson will throw a TD pass by 5:53 p.m. EDT Saturday.
Georgia Tech at UCF: The Yellow Jackets apparently have gone vegan. George O’Leary coached at both schools, and I bet even he never thought he’d see the day Tech would be a 20-point underdog. UCF 31-16.
Kent State at Georgia: Upset Special II — The Bulldogs will finally give up more than a meaningless touchdown. Georgia 52-8.
Nose Trivia II: In a 2002 interview, Michael Jackson said he’d had only two nose jobs. He also said he won the 1983 Heisman Trophy.
Boston College at FSU: The Seminoles are Florida’s only unbeaten team. Take that, UF, UM, UCF, etc. I can’t help thinking they’re winning on borrowed time, but the clock won’t run out against the 1-2 Eagles. FSU 33-17.
Vanderbilt at Alabama: Nick Saban could look down Pinocchio’s nose at Vandy and it wouldn’t matter. Alabama 41-13.
Notre Dame at North Carolina: I realize you’re probably tired of nose references, so let’s just say the Irish will win by a proboscis. Notre Dame 22-17.
— David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at email@example.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley.