Carol Church: Public property that I’d like to buy


Published: Friday, May 24, 2013 at 6:01 a.m.
Last Modified: Wednesday, May 22, 2013 at 5:57 p.m.

I have some comments regarding the city commission’s recent vote to allow the sale of a portion of Loblolly Woods Nature Park. As a private citizen, I am so pleased to see that the city is so open to selling off its assets to any interested party with sufficient funds.

Indeed, I happen to have an interest in “gifting” the city with money in exchange for some public property that has caught my eye. To that end, I would like to schedule meetings with city staff to discuss the sale to me of the following public assets:

1.) Three (3) parking spots directly in front of city hall, reserved 24 hours a day, 365 days a year for my personal use. Roam towing shall be strictly enforced.

2.) One (1) reserved bathroom in city hall for my personal use when downtown.

3.) The Solar Walk on 8th Avenue. Public statuary referring to “science” makes me feel anxious, so I plan to have the walk demolished.

4.) Westside Pool. My backyard is big, but not as big as Nathan Collier’s; I don’t have room for a pool of this size. Plus, I’ve always wanted a waterslide.

I am more than willing to pay well above market value for these properties. Think of the many wonderful things the city will be able to purchase with my generous gifts!

I consider myself Public Benefactor #1.

I look forward to scheduling multiple, lengthy meetings with numerous overworked staff members in the very near future.

P.S.: Although this should be completely obvious, the above proposal is a joke. Future proposals along similar lines may not be. I very strongly urge the people of Gainesville to make their voices heard on this issue. While it may be tempting to accept a fat wad of cash dangled before for us, where does it end? The city is not currently wanting for money with which to buy land, and designated public parks belong to us and should never be for sale to private landowners.

Carol Church lives in Gainesville.

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