Stand-up about nothing: Seinfeld performs at Phillips Center
Published: Friday, November 2, 2012 at 10:26 p.m.
Last Modified: Friday, November 2, 2012 at 10:26 p.m.
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld performed at the Phillips Center on Friday night to a sold-out crowd of 1,751 people, and yada yada yada — everyone walked out laughing.
The former "Seinfeld" star tackled the complexities of marriage, parenthood and the length of bathroom stall doors during his first performance in Gainesville since two sold-out shows in 2008. He described Gainesville as beautiful, and marveled at the University of Florida's student body.
"Everyone's fit and jogging and healthy here — it's weird," he said.
Seinfeld, 58, who has been married for 13 years and has 3 children, likened marriage to the lightning round of a game show.
"One must have answers to these cataclysmic hypothetical questions women ask," he said.
He also provided women with a little insight into the male psyche.
"Men want the same thing from women that they want from their underwear – a little bit of support, a little bit of freedom."
He compared his parenting style to being a mob boss and made light of the difficulties of fatherhood by describing fathers as "day-old helium balloons floating somewhere between the floor and the ceiling."
Seinfeld, who's known for his observational comedy about the absurd minutiae of everyday life, also brought his keen eye to Americans' eating habits, sleeping problems and their obsession with five-hour energy drinks, which he called "meth lab Hawaiian punch Jell-o shots."
"Who's working one to six? If you need five hours of energy, go to bed," he said.
He said of sex and food, the latter is the more dangerous temptation, mainly because of the ease at which it's procured.
"I've never had a brownie slap me in the face and say, ‘Who do you think you are?'?" he said.
Seinfeld also expressed his gratitude for the innovative Pop-Tart.
"Once there were Pop-Tarts, I didn't understand why other foods existed," he said.
John Yelton, of Gainesville, said he was surprised by the amount of material performed.
"It was impressive, as was his command of the audience," he said. "And he's doing it for fun — he's doing it because he wants to."
Toby Sembower, of Gainesville, said the energy of the audience, combined with Seinfeld's, made for a great stand-up performance.
"I thought Jerry killed it," he said. "It felt like he could do that for 24 hours straight."
Following his performance, Seinfeld moderated a question and answer period. When asked if he had any plans for a future sitcom, Seinfeld, who currently stars in the online series "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee," answered with a resounding "no." (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
"I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired," he said.
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