Ten movies so bad that they're good
Published: Friday, December 9, 2011 at 6:01 a.m.
Last Modified: Thursday, December 8, 2011 at 5:00 p.m.
Anyone can make a bad movie. Hollywood proves that every week. But it takes a special kind of talent to churn out a flick so cheesy that the lactose intolerant need a note from their doctor in order to see it.
Such movies are so bad, they're good. They have it all: Overacting? Check. Ridiculous plot? Check. Atrocious dialogue? Check.
These 10 best-worst movies are surprisingly and inexplicably fun to watch.
1. ‘Over the Top' (1986)
Rarely has a film been so aptly named. Trucker Lincoln Hawk (Sylvester Stallone) is on a mission to bond with his 12-year-old son, whom he abandoned, and win a big arm-wrestling contest in Vegas. The slow-motion shots of Stallone's contorted face during the contest ... well, it's like something out of “Wild Kingdom.” Where is a tranquilizer dart when you need one?
2. ‘The Last Dragon' (1985)
Leroy (Taimak) is on a quest to become a kung fu master. He will know he has reached this status when he glows. That's right. Glows. His chief rival is the “Shogun of Harlem,” a gang leader whose wardrobe rivals Lady Gaga's. This movie is not so much kung fu as kung phooey.
3. ‘The Next Karate Kid' (1994)
“Karate Kid III” was such a stinker that somebody must have yelled, “Let's girl it up!” A young Hilary Swank takes over the franchise as Julie, a teenager angry about her parents' death and harassed at her school by karate thugs. Isn't every school crawling with those? Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) steps in to help and says things like, “Miyagi has much to learn about girls. Boys easier.” In addition to such pearls of wisdom, there's also a pet hawk, monks and, funnily enough, very little actual karate. But that's OK. It's not like “karate” is in the title or anything.
4. ‘Mac and Me' (1988)
When an unmanned space vehicle sucks up an alien family and brings them to Earth, the littlest one hides out with a single mom and her two sons. It takes way too long for them to realize an alien is living with them. You want to shout, “He's beside you! Don't you have peripheral vision?!” The product placement is hilariously blatant. Really, which scenes DON'T involve Coke and McDonald's? To top it off, the aliens are ugly. It's like Yoda crossed with E.T. and a turtle.
5. ‘Plan 9 from Outer Space' (1958)
These are some persistent aliens. Eight plans to rule the Earth have failed, but they're hopeful Plan 9, involving bringing the dead back to life, will be a winner. The flying saucers look like they're about the size of an actual saucer, and this Ed Wood cult classic contains perhaps the worst voiceover ever. When people keep turning up dead, one officer asks if the flying saucers might be to blame. “Your guess is as good as mine,” another answers. Ah, well-aged cheese.
6. ‘The Blob' (1958)
Steve (Steve McQueen) tries to warn officials that an ever-growing blob is rolling up on people and killing them, but they do not take him seriously. It's not like police forms have a spot for “killer blob” after all. The blob looks like a big ball of strawberry jam, so it's not scary, but it may make you crave breakfast food afterward.
7. ‘The Wizard' (1989)
Runaways Corey (Fred Savage) and younger brother Jimmy (Luke Edwards) go on an adventure with Haley (Jenny Lewis), an independent girl whose trucker father apparently lets her roam the Earth. When they discover Jimmy is a whiz at video games, they decide to travel many miles to Los Angeles so he can compete in a contest worth $50,000. On their tail is the boys' father (Beau Bridges) and older brother (Christian Slater) as well as a private investigator who couldn't find a glass of milk at a dairy farm. This film gets the high score in utter ridiculousness.
8. ‘Frogs' (1972)
At an eccentric millionaire's swampy estate people start croaking left and right. There are a variety of natural-born killers here. Tarantulas, snakes, alligators and even a huge turtle (yes, a turtle) exact their revenge on the clueless inhabitants. But what of the frogs? Well, close-up shots of them are shown throughout the movie, but they do not unleash their bug-eyed fury until the final act.
9. ‘BMX Bandits' (1983)
BMX bike fans Judy (Nicole Kidman) and a couple of boys peddle into a mess of trouble when they discover a stash of walkie-talkies that bad guys plan to use for a heist. As the inept criminals try to get their property back, the teenagers embark on a series of chases that include a water park, an escalator and countless cars that need to be jumped. Top that, Tour de France!
10. ‘Die Laughing' (1980)
When a scientist is killed in the taxi of cabbie/singer Pinsky (Robby Benson), he is blamed for the murder and flees ... to his apartment. They'll never look for him there. What the bad guys are after is a monkey that knows a secret formula. Guess who ends up with that little guy? Yep, Pinsky. The best bit of this screwball comedy is that Pinsky's band is in a singing competition and in between dodging bad guys he still manages to perform. Now that's dedication. Let's see those “American Idol” contestants do that.
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