Couches should get attention Saturday

This is one of those defining weeks in college football and by defining I mean it depends on who wins which game as to whether it defines anything.

For example, the loser of the Oklahoma-Texas game is not out of the national championship picture or the Big XII race. If Penn State beats Wisconsin, we have to start looking at the possibility the Nittanys could be playing in the big BCS game, but if it’s the other way around not so much for Wisconsin.

Now that I’ve confused you and you’re not sure if this is a big weekend or not, understand that this is a great weekend. It’s weekends like this that make sports fans use the couch in two ways — first to watch baseball, college and NFL games and then to sleep on because your wife is sick of you spilling chips and beer on the new rug and has put her lawyer on speed dial.

Let me say now that I envy those of you who have no responsibilities on Saturday and can simply let it unfold in high definition. Me, I’ll be screaming down from the press box when the officials announce that, “The previous play is under review,” for, like, the seventh time in the first half.

It never fails that night games drag and 12:30 games fly by. But you don’t want to hear about my deadline pain. Or my pulled thigh muscle or torn rotator cuff or arthritic thumbs. I’m just trying to let you know that Dr. Football will be typing at less than 100 percent on Saturday night. But I’m still probable.

It was a good week for The Picks. After that miserable 4-6, to come back with 8-2 record said a lot about Dr. Football’s character and chemistry. Actually, I made a “C” in high school chemistry but I was quite the character.

LSU at Florida: First of all, some ground rules. No more e-mails if you can’t spell the names of the coaches you are ripping. And you are banned from e-mailing me negative comments about this pick if you have sent me previous ones criticizing the play-calling or the offense in general. The bottom line is that UF’s offensive line could not handle Miami’s pass rush and couldn’t handle Mississippi’s pass rush, so there’s no way it is going to be able to handle LSU’s. Plus, the Tigers have won 19 in a row at night. LSU, 27-21.

Oklahoma vs. Texas: The Big XII is crowing about how it has overtaken the SEC as the best conference and they may be right? Yeah, and Bigfoot will win the next “Dancing with the Stars.” The Big XII is top-heavy and it’s the league where defense has gone to die. Five of the top six scoring teams in the nation are in the Big XII, including Oklahoma (49.6) and Texas (47.2). Somehow I don’t think the final will be 49-47. But what if it is? How great would that be? Oklahoma, 29-27.

Tennessee at Georgia: I’m not saying the Vols are starting to crack under the pressure of what is heading for a disastrous season, but tailback Arian Foster announced this week he won’t do any more interviews unless they are conducted in “Pterodactyl.” It’s some kind of made-up dinosaur language. OK, Arian, Veeek reeeker blee paaw seeener? That means, “What’s Pterodactyl for blowout?” Georgia, 34-10.

Arkansas at Auburn: Tempting. Tempting. After watching Arkansas play with my own eyeballs (instead of someone else’s) the athletes are better than I thought and Bobby Petrino still has a good plan. Tempting. And Auburn is in turmoil after firing offensive coordinator Tony Franklin. Tempting. But if Auburn wants to, it can run the ball on every play and win. And I have a feeling Tommy Tuberville will do exactly that. Auburn, 21-14.

South Carolina at Kentucky: Steve Spurrier finally got Chris Smelley going last week but that Ole Miss defense he lit up is not at the same level as Kentucky’s. Here’s why: Rich Brooks was upset about the defense that limited Alabama to 17 points last week. This is Kentucky’s best shot at Steve Spurrier since “Doering’s got a touchdown!” Kentucky, 14-13.

Vandy at Mississippi State: It’s a classic trap game for Vandy. In fact, it may be the first trap game in the history of Vanderbilt football. The only trouble is what MSU is using for bait. Vandy, 23-10.

Penn State at Wisconsin: Poor Joe Paterno. His legs are killing him and he can’t stand for long. So he has to watch games from the press box. Not all that it’s cracked up to be, is it Joe Pa? Wisconsin, 23-20.

Oklahoma State at Missouri: Last week in the Harris Interactive Poll, Missouri received a first-place vote. This week after thrashing Nebraska 52-17, Missouri received no first-place votes. I mention this only because I don’t think many people knew the Harris Poll, one of the key components to the BCS, has been out for two weeks. Nice system. By the way, LSU is second ahead of Alabama. Mizzou, 48-35.

Arizona State at USC: Remember preseason when this one was a game you circled and thought might be ginormous? Flash ahead to right now. ASU has three straight losses and USC may be out of the national title race. And both starting quarterbacks are injured. There’s more buzz for the start of hockey season. USC, 35-10.

UCF at Miami: Seriously, Dr. Football, there has to be a better 10th game than this. A couple of 2-3 teams going nowhere playing in front of friends, relatives and hot dog vendors? You’re right. Notre Dame over North Carolina, 28-21.

Contact Pat Dooley at 374-5053 or dooleyp@gvillesun.com.