No good mates? That may be a myth


Published: Thursday, January 11, 2007 at 6:01 a.m.
Last Modified: Wednesday, January 10, 2007 at 2:18 p.m.
Q: I am writing in response to the woman from last week. I consider myself to be a good black man. I have a good job, don't have children, and treat my women like queens. But, every woman I have been serious about ALWAYS leaves me for some thug, unemployed, doesn't-care-if-they-come-or-go type of man. I am so tired of hearing ''there are no good men.'' I would rather women say ''I get tired of good men and run to bad men, then want the good men back but they don't want me!''
A: I've said it before and I'll say it again: Somebody should hold a conference for the women who think there are no good men left and the men who think women don't want a good man.
It seems like that would be the easiest way to address both myths.
I think the problem with this situation and the reason it will continue to persist is so-called ''good'' black men and women are often looking for the wrong thing.
They figure that, since they are so good, they should get an equally perfect person who is, of course, physically attractive. Sorry to have to break the news to you, though. Not all good people are lookers.
I was just talking to a girlfriend of mine who is, in my opinion, the complete package. She has a great job, attends church regularly, and has a great relationship with her family.
She has no children and is waiting for marriage to have sex. But, she also is single and has been single most of her adult life. When asked why she is single, her prepared response is, ''I just haven't met the right man yet.''
But, as I have told her on several occasions, the problem lies within her. In order for a man to catch her eye, he has to have: a.) light skin, b.) be 6 feet or taller, c.) drive a BMW or a Range Rover, and d.) make at least $100,000 a year.
While it is important to have standards, the fact that her entire system is based on materialism rather than character is disturbing. All too often, this is the case with so many self-proclaimed ''nice guys'' or ''good women.''
But, if you really want to have a good relationship, you need to redefine ''good.'' Also, don't consider yourself unlucky if a certain person does not acknowledge you. You never want to ''make'' someone pay attention to you because you will spend the entire relationship asking for their attention.
Write down what you want in a mate. When finished, compare what you want to what you are. For example, if you want a light-skinned woman, but are Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate brown, make note of that difference.
Realize that for every thing you wrote down and do not exhibit, there are women who use the same criteria as a reason to rule you out.
What does this exercise teach you? If you want a good woman, you will have to broaden your scope. The same women who complain about the absence of good men rule you out because of standards they themselves may not live up to.
Got a relationship question? E-mail NonaCJones@yahoo.com. Jones is a motivational speaker in the North Central Florida area. Visit www.WTSWLG.Bravehost.com for more information.

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