One bad apple shouldn't spoil others
Published: Thursday, June 1, 2006 at 6:01 a.m.
Last Modified: Wednesday, May 31, 2006 at 11:19 a.m.
Q: I have about had it with relationships. I was in love with a woman who just broke up with me because she said she doesn't love me anymore. Her best friend told me that she was seeing another man for the last two months of our relationship and that she thought I was too nice. I don't get you women. You say you want a nice man, then dump him because he's "too nice." I've lost so many women to "bad guys" that I think I'm going to do like they say - if you can't beat them, join them.
A: Well, before you go over to the "dark side," allow me to share something with you that will hopefully give you some pause.
First, just as not all men are bad, not all women are bad, either. However, a string of bad women or bad men would make even the most forgiving person a little skeptical.
Any woman that would break up with you because you are too nice is certainly not worth your time, so, if you think about it, she did you a favor by leaving.
As difficult as I know this is going to sound to someone in love with a person who left them, you are better off without her. Think of it this way; you want to be with a person because of who you are, not because of who they want you to be.
Many people in this society are living a lie everyday, being someone they are not because they know that if they were to just be themselves, the person would leave.
Well, I say, why waste time with someone who is not with you for the real you. If you are truly a "nice guy," being a "player" is not who you are and, as a matter of fact, you would probably grow increasingly uncomfortable with trying to act like someone else.
Furthermore, I know this is going to shock you, but many so-called "players" are just like you - men who were hurt by a woman and chose to become someone they are not.
At the end of the day, many "bad guys" are just "nice guys" who also grew weary of being dumped for being the "nice guy." But there is another aspect of this that you should consider.
If you were to sit down with a room full of 20 "players," I could almost guarantee you that they will all have a story or two about the "one that got away."
When you become more focused on the destination than the journey, you are bound to miss out on the many beautiful sights along the way, and once you reach that destination, you realize that the sights you hurried to pass were the REAL destination.
My advice to you: Look before you leap. You ultimately control your actions and no woman, no amount of hurt, can make you act a certain way.
So, don't let your mind change your heart; allow your heart to change your mind.
Got a relationship question? E-mail NonaCJones@yahoo.com. Jones is a motivational speaker in the North Central Florida area.Visit www.WTSWLG.Bravehost.com for more information.
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