Handling chores around the house is a shared affair
Published: Thursday, January 19, 2006 at 6:01 a.m.
Last Modified: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 at 11:22 a.m.
Q: Why is it that the majority of black women want to be the boss or "man" of the house? On top of that, they try to "guilt" us men into assisting with female roles (dishes, laundry, child care, etc.), yet they won't mow the lawn or make repairs around the house unless they are the head of a single parent household?
A: Looks like someone is a little irritated. I must admit that I was slightly taken aback by your question here. Not only are you making some very broad and sweeping generalizations, but it sounds like you are doing it based on the way you expect a woman to behave.
I would be hard-pressed to believe that you know the majority of black women. As such, you can feel free to give specific examples relative to women you know, but please refrain from lumping us all together. That is just like women saying the majority of men are bad. Not true! You should never throw the baby out with the bath water.
As for "guilting" men into doing things around the house, I believe a woman should not have to do that. If you are an adult, whether man or woman, why should someone have to ask you to wash the dishes that you ate off, or wash the clothing that you soiled, or bathe the children you helped create?
Many women come across strong because they don't like being a mother to their children and their husband. On that note, I believe it is a mother's duty to prepare her son to be a husband and father.
We spend a lot of time teaching little girls to be wives and mothers, buying them baby dolls, showing them how to properly clean, and teaching them how to cook.
Yet, we allow our sons to leave toys all around the house, hop out of bed and leave it unmade, and leave their plate on the table after dinner.
It is this double standard that is causing so many women to be frustrated wives. They have been taught all of their lives how to be a wife and mother and can't understand why their husband is still acting like a "child."
Further, I do not know what your definition of being the "boss" is, but I assure you that "boss" is not a synonym for "man." In a romantic relationship, you have to seek common ground, which means killing your personal agendas.
People boss other people around to fulfill a personal agenda or selfish desire. If a woman is truly bossing you around, you should call her on it. As a human being, you deserve the same level of respect as she would ask from you.
But, beyond that, I honestly do not believe that many women want to be the "boss" of a household. Most women would love for someone else to be a partner with them in creating a more pleasurable life.
With that being said, notice the word "partner." To "partner" means to work together; I have a boss at work, I don't need another at home. Look at it this way; if you do not like her being a boss to you, how much more do you think she would like you being a boss to her?
You mentioned mowing the lawn and making repairs around the house. If you truly need help with those types of things - ASK. But, what you should NOT do is engage in a "tit-for-tat."
If you say "you don't mow the lawn" because she is asking you to wash the dishes, what you are really saying is "I don't want to wash the dishes."
Additionally, you are not comparing apples to apples. The lawn is mowed, what, every two weeks? Repairs are done around the house every now and then.
But, the beds need making daily, the children's homework needs to be completed nightly, breakfast must be on the table every morning, clothes need washing every other day. In the meantime, sitting on the couch watching football does not get those things done.
Remember this: you live there too! You should want your home to be the best it can be, and that can only be accomplished with everyone pitching in.
Bottom line: if you don't want to hear your woman's mouth about cleaning up… PICK UP A BROOM AND ENJOY THE SILENCE!
Got a relationship question? E-mail NonaCJones@yahoo.com. Jones is a motivational speaker in the North Central Florida area.Visit www.WTSWLG.Bravehost.com for more information.
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