Super 8 success

Published: Sunday, January 9, 2005 at 6:01 a.m.
Last Modified: Saturday, January 1, 2005 at 12:51 a.m.

Putrid bile-stench, wrenching stomach-churn powerful enough to upend the purity of a mignon filet or sacrilicious waffle from the depths of my bowels to spill upon a movie-house floor.

This is my general opinion of that which is called "student" or even "recent student" film.

Yet as of late, and not just a little bit fueled by recent viewings of such Tim-Leary-pushing-the-limits-of-death-style classics as Videodrome, 2001 and Pi, my inadvertent discoveries have led me to the work of one known as Zzalgern0n [sic]. A budding Cassavetes or Cronenberg of my own city.

Sickening comparisons. He's nowhere near them, in honesty. I feel the force feedback of the keys, carpal tunnel tightening as the words come out. But they keep coming in force. My mind's stranglehold on the body's motions doesn't recoil in the terror it should, knowing even my own personal feelings of holding an amateur so high.

I'll let this Icarus fly, just to hope he does not cruise too high off the lofty updrafts of praise for his work and fall to a gory human-gelatinous-paste death upon the asphalt.

The mindless drivel of the student film encompasses a region of stupidity all to its own. Often self-stroking babble aligned to incompatible soundtracks dancing over meaningless menageries composed in a dorm room on Adobe Premiere (Trademark, Registered, sieg heil), reminiscent of Republican idiocy to glaze over such memorable lines as "For bureaucratic reasons, we settled on one issue, weapons of mass destruction, because it was the one reason everyone could agree on." (Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, May 28, 2003) Yes'm, I will be brandishing that gun here.

In "10 Ways to Install a better Dad," Zzalgern0n takes on the massive libraries of cut-and-paste film with something that actually conveys meaning. Get this: the scenes and snippets he shows clearly relate to the topic at hand. Don't that beat all?

Impressive, I do say, but not nearly as much as the next tidbit.

The 3-minute clip was part of "Attack of the 50-Foot Reels," a Kodak-driven contest in LA where each creator uses, naturally, a single 50-foot reel of film with no splicing or any other manner of post-production work. Everything is created within the confines of the camera itself.

For the sake of comparison, know that a large portion of Hollywood films spend at least a year in post-production - and look at the crap we still end up seeing.

The reels and soundtracks are turned over to the contest Gestapo, cutting the producer from his product until it is put upon the silver screen of the famed Egyptian Theater.

I'm not going to waste the time spelling it out for you that this is damn good filmmaking. Unless this is your first read of my usual banter, it's painfully aware that things don't ever get mention unless they're reached some manner of superlative. I wouldn't waste any of our time with less. We've all got showering and eating and buying batteries and going to the dentist taking up so much of what turns out to be a pretty quick run. Why waste the precious few moments we get to ourselves with shite?

Tie one on for New Year's and have a good one kids.

See it all for yourself here:


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