Can we settle down now?
I’m not talking about fans either jumping up and down on metal bleachers (bad on the knees) or the ones lighting their team’s jerseys on fire (rhymes with Fennessee).
I’m just talking about a college football season that has been wild and crazy and we’re still not out of September.
Oh, we like the upsets (Nebraska, I think geography has totally caught up with you) and stunning finishes (why are people so upset arguing that it was not a “Hail Mary”?) and video game stats (Mason Rudolph, come on down).
But we could do without the hurricanes and suspensions and season-ending injuries.
Let’s focus on the weather issues (only from a football standpoint for the sake of this column). Florida State and Miami haven’t played since the opening weekend. Central Florida hasn’t played in September. Florida has played two games and must feel overworked.
It turns out we had the solution to the hurricane problems all along. We should just have sent Wisconsin fans into the path of Irma. Just last week, they descended on the only two bars in Provo (you’ll never be invited into the SEC, Brigham Young University, with that attitude) and threatened to drink both bars dry.
Apparently, they came close. They could have sucked all the rain out of that thing (if it was laced with Fireball, that is).
Hopefully, we’re done with the bad things that have come with this month and can focus only on the good things.
No more hurricanes.
No more suspensions.
No more injuries that end the seasons of great players.
Only Dr. Football could find a way to take a loss a week after a game was played. A reader pointed out that my record was off by one because I picked Stanford over USC and somehow counted it as a win.
He was right. I blame myself.
So that’s a mediocre record of 20-10 after last week’s 6-4 performance. I need a new crystal ball. Maybe I can make one from the glass patio table I shattered like it was the Death Star while cleaning up after the hurricane. But that’s another story.
On to this week and The Picks:
FLORIDA AT KENTUCKY: I am 0-for-2 picking UF games. Here’s how bad it is. CBS-4 hired a new reporter to co-host Gainesville Gameday with me. Megan is from Arizona State. She picked Florida correctly last week. Sigh. I know, you want me to pick Kentucky. But I can’t go against 30 years of tradition. Plus, there is this. Already there is a buzz in Lexington about storming the field after the Wildcats end their streak (at a cost of a $250,000 fine from the SEC because it would be their third offense). Florida, 24-17.
ARKANSAS-TEXAS A&M (ARLINGTON): The Hot Seat Bowl will have a winner and a bunch of writers covering one team checking out the buyout for the loser. There’s something scary about Arkansas after a bye week. Or maybe I’m just scarred from last year’s Florida game. Arkansas, 34-24.
N.C. STATE AT FSU: It feels like FSU’s last game was a month ago, which is not much of an exaggeration. James Blackman will throw his first collegiate pass Saturday. It’s tempting, but … FSU, 30-21.
ALABAMA AT VANDERBILT: After the Commodores beat Kansas State, some of the players declared that they wanted Alabama. Here you go. Alabama, 28-10.
TCU AT OKLAHOMA STATE: I’m not jumping off the Cowboys bandwagon now. Oklahoma State, 42-28.
MISSISSIPPI STATE AT GEORGIA: My buddy Dennis Dodd wrote that Dan Mullen needs to get out of Starkville if he wants to get a higher ceiling. If he wins this game, there won’t be a hotter coach in the country. Mississippi State, 23-20.
AUBURN AT MISSOURI: If the Tigers struggle against Missouri’s defense, it’s going to get really noisy on the plains. Auburn, 39-21.
PENN STATE AT IOWA: James Franklin caught a lot of heat for calling a timeout while Georgia State was attempting a late field goal to avoid a shutout. The game is 60 minutes of football. You play them all. Penn State, 28-21.
WASHINGTON AT COLORADO: As an AP voter, I have discovered that people really care where you put their teams. I haven’t ranked Colorado yet. I won’t Sunday either. Washington, 23-18.
UCF AT MARYLAND: Florida’s former defensive coordinator goes up against Nebraska’s next coach. Right? Not so fast, my friend. Maryland, 34-30.
Contact Pat Dooley at 352-374-5053 or at email@example.com. And follow at Twitter.com/Pat_Dooley.